Have you ever dreaded a conversation at work, or one of a private nature?

Perhaps it was about a job you wanted to be considered for, or a new project you really wanted to shift your focus and company resources to? And you needed to convince your supervisor that they should agree to it. Or maybe you needed to have a chat with a supervisee over their behavior at work? Someone had complained about their combative and rude communication style?   It was your job to bring this to their attention and get their agreement to commit to change.

All the situations above fall under the umbrella of difficult conversations.

How can we make difficult conversations easier?

• First, start by envisioning the ideal outcome. What does it look like, entail, and feel?  Anticipate the obstacles that you may encounter and how you can overcome them.  Next, make sure your goals are clear. What do you want to accomplish and why? How do you want the conversation to go and what will the end-goal be?
• Anticipate the reactions, including fears and objections that the other person may experience. How can you influence their reaction and feelings? How can you modify your behavior and communication style to develop trust and buy-in, and not trigger their defenses?
• Check your own assumptions about the outcome, your ability to negotiate and about their assumptions about you and their needs and fears. How do we do this? Ask yourself – are my thoughts and feelings based on reality (objective, observable)? Or am I projecting my own fears on them?
• Use curiosity to understand the what the needs and goal of the other person might be. What does curiosity look like?  Ask open questions without preconceived notions and judgements. Listen for values and thoughts and observe behaviors.
• Finally, communication is key. If you are working globally in a culturally diverse team then understanding cultural and personal differences in communication style is of outmost importance. Observe and reflect upon your own communication style and theirs.  What do you have in common, what is different? How and when do you need to style-switch to make sure that your message is not lost in cultural confusion.

 For more on this topic, listen to my podcast https://www.khdinternational.com/podcast/difficult-conversations-made-easy-part-1-preparation-2/

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