In the previous blog we talked about how to prepare for difficult conversations, today the topic is how to manage a difficult conversation while you are in the midst of it, to ensure that the outcome is optimal.

In episode 11 we looked at the six steps to take to prepare for a challenging conversation, they included among others, to have a clear goal, to check your assumptions, and to try to understand and anticipate the other’s goals and needs.

Let us imagine that you are now having that so called difficult conversation.  Perhaps you are connected virtually by video conference.   How do you start?

First focus on creating trust. How do we create trust? By communicating positive intentions, being honest and transparent in our messaging and my listening.

Here are my top tips on how to manage a difficult conversation.

1. Have a positive mindset – assume the positive, avoid judgmental and negative thinking.
2. Communicate empathy and a will to collaborate and understand – avoid judgmental statements.
3. Communicate the topic and the purpose clearly. Make sure both parties have the same understanding of the reason for the meeting.
4. Give the other person room to clarify the purpose and offer their perspective.
5. Manage your emotions. This is particularly important.  Start with self awareness, check-in with yourself. How do you feel right now?  And if something is triggering or frustrating you, then delay your reaction. Take a breath, distance your mind from the reaction and observe it. Then chose a different way to react. Without anger. Use your emotion regulation skills.
6. Listen for facts, feelings, values, and needs. This is called deep listening. To do so you need to be fully present and not occupied by preparing your answer or thinking about dinner plans.
7. Do not overwhelm them with detail and arguments. Less is more.  Well thought out ideas and proposals have a bigger impact than a laundry list of details.
8. Look for commonalities – find an alignment. Build a “Golden Bridge” of reasons why.

For more on this topic, listen to my podcast here: https://www.khdinternational.com/podcast/difficult-conversations-made-easy-part-2-during-the-conversation/