Ever been in a meeting and not being able to raise your voice and contribute? Perhaps you have an important conversation scheduled. A conversation where you want to stand up for yourself and ask for, perhaps, a new project, a raise, a move, or more time off for family? And you are feeling nervous, afraid that you will give-in too soon and not assert your needs.

Perhaps you are working in a team with assertive and competitive team members and you feel you never get the space to contribute? Had a job interview for that job you so desperately wanted, and you froze. Could not remember your success stories as you sat there with sweaty hands. Or, you have a particular goal you wish to accomplish?

I’ve coached clients in all of these situations, and similar ones, to use visualization techniques to help them overcome their social anxiety and fears, and to reach their goals. Both men and women, but more young women, it seems.

It works. Olympic athletes use it. Marathon runners use it. Successful public speakers use it.

What is visualization? How do you do it? It is rather simple, but it takes some practice to gain the most benefit from it. Depending on what you wish to change and how big your challenge is. It is about imagining, or visualizing, yourself in the particular situation, doing well. Succeeding.

Our mind is a powerful tool. What we think influences how we feel which then impacts how we behave. Our past experiences influences how we think and feel about the situation and us in it. It is a feedback loop. By visualizing a positive experience and outcome we can change how we feel about it and how we behave. Changing the pattern.

1. Start by identifying the situation you find challenging. Describe it. You can write it down if you wish. What do the surroundings look like? Who else is there? Where are you in the context? How do you feel? What is happening?
2. Go through the different stages of the narrative. And note what happens and how you feel. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What are you afraid of?
3. Once you have analyzed the situation, it is time to create a new narrative. Visualize a different outcome.
4. Put yourself in the same situation, this time you are creating a story where you speak up in the meeting and it goes well. Maybe someone disagrees with you, but it is fine, you do not feel threatened. You feel good with a sense of accomplishment. Or, you visualize a job interview where you are confident and answer the questions well. Where you overcome your anxiety and feel calm and confident.
5. Using visualization to change a catastrophic narrative of fear and failure to a story of success and confidence will make a huge difference in how you feel and behave in challenging and stressful situations. It will also help you reach a particularly challenging goal.
6. Give yourself a goal that is realistic, e.g. to speak up during the first five minutes of the meeting. Prepare well. Practice.
7. Finally, do it. Have an important meeting soon? Visualize your success story before it starts, or as you are in it. Sometimes I suggest a client bring an item that will help them remember the positive feeling and story. Start building a repository of success stories.

Similarly, you can visualize a goal you wish to accomplish and create a story where you accomplish your goal. This will help you stay motivated when you run into obstacles and develop the mental strength, to e.g. finish a marathon, if that what your goal is.

You can use this technique on your own, but it often helps to work with a coach or counselor who can guide you through it and help you identify your fears and develop a new narrative and to develop SMART goals.