Have you ever felt as your responsibilities are tying you down like the mooring ropes of a boat that keeps the vessel from recklessly floating out to sea?   I have. Even if I proudly built my boat myself and mostly enjoy it and appreciate the mooring lines (In this case the boat symbolizes my life).

A month ago, I was at my life’s first yoga and meditation retreat in a secluded resort in the middle of a Costa Rican rainforest.  It took me about a minute to decide to sign up, after seeing the announcement a few months ago. The idea of the retreat, however, had lived in my dreams for about eight years. From around the time when I first learned about their existence from a coaching client who would attend retreats to recover from a demanding humanitarian job.

Eight years ago, my two children were tweens. My husband was wrapped in the demands of his career. I was trying to be the best I could in all my roles.  Leaving them, my children, for a retreat, even if it would have been with reliable childcare felt impossible then.  I was responsible. I had responsibilities. I was not free.  I could travel to a conference, but not to a retreat. I am sure some of you can relate.

Now I feel different. My oldest is a sophomore in college. My youngest is a senior in high school.  Work has changed, my husband now divides his time between his home office, and the office in NYC.  He is more present. And I have done the work, so to say, to change my own assumptions about what responsibility and duty is.  Having worked in the international development and humanitarian space for most of for my career as a coach, I know that my clients in the field need their regular R & R (rest and recuperation) to survive and succeed.  Place that oxygen mask over your own mouth and nose before helping others.

So, I found myself in Costa Rica in the middle of February. The first night alone in a hotel room by the airport. Feeling somewhat like an unmoored rowboat, or perhaps a race boat. My mooring lines, normally tied to my many responsibilities, now felt cut loose. Or as if they extended far out into the ocean, making my boat rock in the waves, with a rhythm they had not felt in a very long time. Caring about one person. Myself only.  Felt foreign.  

My intention for the retreat was self-care and self-love. 

Two concepts I encourage and empower in my clients regularly, but that still can feel alien to me. I know this is common for those of us in the caring professions, or those committed to helping others.  Caring for others comes easy. Caring for yourself – that’s a different story.

During dinner the first night at the retreat, our yoga teacher Mikaela, asked us what freedom means for us (the theme for the retreat was Wild and Free). I found it really difficult to answer the question.  And I am still exploring it.  Initially I answered that absolute freedom does not exist. Our mooring lines keep us tied to our responsibilities. One cannot be fully free.

Many a mind more brilliant than mine have pondered the essence of freedom. Sartre was a big influence when I was young, his famous quote “man is condemned to be free” and with this freedom we have a responsibility for who we are and what we do, was what we debated over drinks.

I have realized that the mooring lines of my boat, my life, are a part of my freedom. Of the choices I’ve made and make.

Taking responsibility for my self-care and self-love for a week is what it means to be free.

Growth happens when you leave the snuggly comfort of your old beanbag – meditation outside of my comfort zone

Situating myself, literally, on a yoga mat outside my comfort zone was my wild act of freedom.  Sure, I had done some yoga poses and a few classes here and there, but four (4) hours of meditation and yoga a day for six days – seemed like a lot. What would I do? Would it be boring? What can you meditate on for hours? Do I have to do a head stand?

When I arrived, my mind was as stiff as my joints. When I left, they both felt more flexible.

As a coach I challenge my clients to seek new perspectives on themselves, their lives, careers, and challenges. Growth only happens when you leave the snuggly comfort of your old beanbag (and in my case to sit crossed legged on the floor propped up by several pillows).  My comfort zone entails focusing on others. On their needs and on their stories. Asking and listening.

Spending time in my own internal universe as it quiets down and the silence slowly expands leaving room for self-love, I find challenging.  The facilitated meditations and yoga practices helped quiet my mind and sharing this experience with a group of (mostly) strangers created a space for exploration and vulnerability. By being in the presence of people who do not know you, you can let go of the cloak of expectations, and explore your vulnerability by allowing them (and yourself) to see who you are under that cloak you shroud yourself in as a protective cape.  

A rainforest bath with howler monkeys is good for your soul

There is something magical about living surrounded by the rainforest and waking up to the calls of the howler monkeys, toucans, parrots, and many other animals that shared the space with us. Waking up at night to the sound of the curtain of rain approaching as it noisily rattled the trees and branches, was both exciting and soothing.  The experience reminded me of forest bathing, a practice created in Japan (Shinrin Yoku) and adopted across the world, also in my native Finland.  A forest-loving country.  Spending time in nature, in the forest, has shown to lower blood pressure, increase positive mood and improve mental health – in addition to the obvious physical benefits of exercise. When I returned home to New Jersey, a blood pressure check-up with my MD showed that my blood pressure was at its lowest in about 20 years.  The magic of Pura Vida in Costa Rica!?

What acts of self-care and self-love are you doing to keep your oxygen flowing as a leader, manager, parent, partner, and child?  Whatever your role is.

The silver lining around the Covid-19 pandemic is the never before seen focus on our health and well-being at work.  Health and well-being are no longer considered as only personal matters discussed in the home and at the doctor’s office, instead they have moved into the world of business and work as they are recognized as our deep human needs that must be met for our societies to thrive.

This may include time spent meditating surrounded by howler monkeys.  I recommend you try it.  And no, I did not have to do a head stand.