Being married to someone from a different cultural background than your own is both exciting and challenging. The differences that brought the two of you together may, over time, become those that cause most friction.  As one half of an intercultural couple, and a cross-cultural competence trainer myself, the every day joys and challenges of intercultural couples fascinates me.

My own background is Finnish and Swedish while my husband’s is French and Italian. If you recall stereotypes of the four different cultures, you know there are some challenges. The Northern European cultures tend to be more reserved, and less open with their emotions. We also try to avoid open conflict and look for consensus.  The Italians and French are often described as, well, the opposite. So how do couples like us resolve conflict and stay together? Let’s see what research can tell us.

Intercultural couples experience conflicts around similar issues as culturally homogeneous couples (raising children, division of household work, and the extended family) but their conflicts may be more complicated to resolve since they originate in deeply rooted value differences.  For example, common differences in cultural values are the meaning of privacy, gender role expectations, importance of the extended family and food. Similarities in values are being open to cultural diversity, having close family relations and the importance of education. [1]

What are the positive aspects of being in an intercultural couple? Being open to your partner’s culture and using humor to minimize disharmony seems to be very important for the relationship to last.  While many experience external stressors such as discrimination from the larger community, many couples are also able to turn the negative into a positive as the experience helps them become more resilient as individuals and couples. Being in an intercultural marriage fosters self-knowledge, flexibility, openness and understanding.[2]

That sounds rather promising. All those qualities are important for conflict resolution. Being in an intercultural couple may actually help us become more resilient, self-aware and open to understanding differences.  Or, it might stimulate endless arguments and debate which would thrill my husband!

What do you think? Interested in discussing this topic? Join me at the FIGT Conference 21-23 March 2014 where I will be facilitating a round-table discussion on this very issue.